Man Eating Piranha Mistakenly Sold As Pet Fish

The Rio de Janeiro Pet Store has never had a longer tank or a stranger fish.

A man eating a piranha was mistakenly sold as a pet fish yesterday after four amateur ichthyologists caught the man frolicking about in the Amazon. He was mistaken for a fish because he had developed fish-like adaptations for entering the Amazon and eating piranhas. These adaptations include a protective, scaly covering over his body and a swim bladder in place of a urinary bladder.

His mother, Madame Poisson d’Avril, traces his interest in piranhas as a delicacy to his earliest days. “I thought something was up when I opened a pack of goldfish crackers and he started hissing and flopping about on the floor,” she said. She also mentioned that at every dinner she had with him, she was consistently rattled by one tiny eye constantly looking up at her. Friends often wondered why the young man was so bony. Scientists now believe he began to develop fish-like adaptations in his teenage years, and that his interest in eating piranhas was the most recent advancement of his interest in various fish.

The amateur ichthyologists who caught the man eating piranhas were ecstatic about their find. “First, we was seein’, like, some sorta dark shadow kinda creepin’ up under our boat, ya know?” said one, “And so I told one of my chaps that I was seein’, like, some sorta manly shark and then my friend was like ‘OMG! It’s Dick Cheney’ so we was like gettin’ the net out and instead we catch this man with a bunch of piranhas hanging from his teeth.”

The story has attracted significant attention from the members of the press who have gathered to listen to a press conference hosted by Brazilian government officials. The officials quickly dismissed the significance of the discovery, citing evidence that Dennis Kucinich was born into a family of shrimp.